Parental Alienation Syndrome. When a child does not want to talk to one of the parents, what do we do?

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Parental Alienation Syndrome is seen in children who do not want to have contact with either parent. This occurs mainly in children of divorced parents.

Research by lawyers and psychologists has shown that the syndrome can be deeply ingrained in the child’s consciousness and mental world and cannot be easily eliminated. It exists in mild, moderate and severe forms. In the latter category, the child has no guilt, no inhibitions about his behavior, does not want any relationship with the other parent (or telephone), is frightened by his presence and hates him. Scientists point out that this is usually due to the intense and unjustified slander-defamation campaign of the parent with whom he lives.

So if you are a parent who is experiencing alienation and does not know how to react, here’s how:

1. Don’t lose your temper with the kids.

You may feel that you can no longer bear the criticism of your children and their unfair treatment of you and behave harshly and disparagingly. If the other parent tries to take them away from you by telling them that you don’t care and don’t love them, your aggressive behavior will confirm what they say and the children will be convinced. So check your composure. It’s only for good.

2. Don’t reciprocate the “fire”.

Don’t use emotional blackmail to persuade your children to stay with you, such as “If you don’t want to be with me once, then I don’t want a thousand.” This reaction is immature and childish and has the opposite effect. The children will feel unwanted and will move away from you. Tell them that they are important in your life and try to spend quality time with them. This way they will understand and appreciate your real interest and will reciprocate.

3. Keep a steady schedule.

When it’s your turn to take your child home, be on time. Do not cancel an appointment because the child will feel unwanted and insignificant. This way the other parent will benefit against you. Don’t expect children to look for your presence. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people.

4. Be positive and willing.

Spend time with them doing activities they enjoy and fill. You may be tired and want to “rot” on the couch. But children need positive stimuli to release their energy. So go for a swim, for football, for mountaineering or fishing. Create positive images and memories so that children look forward to seeing you again.

5. Stop bullying the other parent.

Do not blame your children because they are transferring incidents from their cohabitation with the other parent. Don’t tell them “I don’t want to hear about him / her, because I don’t care at all what he / she does or says”. Children will perceive this behavior as an attack, will feel fear and will be closed to themselves. Children need a solid foundation to feel confident, loved and accepted. So take some time to listen and keep a positive attitude.

6. Seek professional help

If you have been suffering from alienation from your children for a long time and do not know how to handle it, consult a mental health professional to find a solution.

We have no degree of kinship with our spouses. The wedding is a seal that two strangers met, fell in love and agreed to stay together and start a family. This bond breaks with divorce and separation and the couple becomes a stranger again. But the same is not true of children. Children are first-degree relatives with their parents. No paper and no contract will change that. There is blood kinship. So let us let go of selfishness and turn to the people we have brought into the world and let us take responsibility for them with sensitivity and maturity.