Separation is a loss and follows the psychological and emotional processes of grief which are: Denial, Negotiation, Anger, Depression, Acceptance. Guilt, fears and insecurities arise automatically and plague those involved. Usually, separation is not a painless event and causes pain that is partly due to loneliness and the change of daily life. Divorced people lose a bit of social support, and occasionally a bit of their friendly environment.
For the person to return to a normal state, it takes time for the healing process of the loss to take place and for new social relationships to be established.
The way we deal with separation is very important for its impact on other areas of our lives but also for the healthy continuation in a later relationship. The person must experience the pain for as long as necessary and let his emotions surface.
What do we do after separation?
• Give yourself time.
We need time to process the separation, especially if it was not our decision. To allow ourselves to experience pain, unpleasant feelings and to make an honest account of the relationship for what we did wrong. This will help us to recognize what led us to it in the first place, if we deserved it, and what to avoid in the relationship.
Let’s deal with us. It is an opportunity to do everything that pleases us, such as: Exercise to increase our energy levels and improve our mood. Diet – Anxiety usually leads to overeating episodes. It is important to pay attention to our diet, to feel healthy, to have high energy and greater self-confidence.
• Stop communicating with your ex.
At least in the beginning, if there are no children, avoid answering your ex’s phone calls because it keeps you “hooked” in the past. Also, for the brain to be able to “forget”, it needs to avoid the stimuli that activate the trauma, such as the image, the voice, the smell of your ex-partners. You are just perpetuating a situation that has ended.
• Mingle with people you love and they love you.
Take walks with friends and other important people so that you feel good. But try not to talk about your ex constantly.
Try, even if you are not in the mood at first, to be open to suggestions for activities so that you stay active in life and do not fall into depression. If you cannot manage it consult a psychologist.
• Avoid quick replacement.
It is the easy solution in such moments and we believe that if we start a new relationship immediately, the pain will pass faster. This is a myth. All you will accomplish if suffering for you and your new partner. Because you will not have processed the pain and you will transfer it to the new relationship, depriving it of the chance to survive.
It is all a matter of common sense and effort to move forward. Keep in mind that a separation is not the end of the world nor does it define you!