Anger is an emotion and like any other it is accompanied by emotional and biological changes. Anger is an emotional state that escalates from a simple annoyance to rage. It usually expresses our dissatisfaction. It is accompanied by a bodily reaction when a threat or a threatening stimulus arises. We react in this way when our goals and desires are not realized or when we feel that they are not heard.
Anger can be caused by both internal and external factors, but very often we are not sure exactly what we are angry about. This is because we may be angry with a situation like driving in the traffic, with an injustice behavior that will lead to several feelings such as sadness, frustration, etc.
When the expression of anger is hindered, it is internalized and often hidden behind emotions such as sadness, shame, despair and even apathy. Imagine anger as energy, we can’t destroy it or deny it. The more we deny it, the more it builds up along with other feelings of resentment.
The way one chooses to manage one’s anger is very unique.
Here are some examples of non-constructive ways of expressing it.
- When we ignore annoying situations because we consider them insignificant and we do not express our annoyance. Until many insignificant situations pile up and make us explode with “no reason”.
• People who do not express themselves and remain silent. However, when they do, they use sarcasm and a critical attitude that shows aggression and negativity.
• People who do not want to come into conflict and thus deny their anger and suppress it, to the extent that they have no awareness of it. They even take responsibility for things that do not concern them. They often have psychosomatic problems because of silenced anger.
• On the contrary, there are people who indiscriminately vent their anger, without restrictions and without being interested in the possibility of hurting those around them. They cannot control their aggressive behavior and it is enough for them to express their feelings and not caring about the consequences.
What is a healthy way to manage the anger?
Resolving anger is not a simple process that can be solved immediately. It is important to be in touch with ourselves, to recognize our needs most of the times. It is wise to try to find out what motivates our anger, not to intensify the negative emotions and to protect our relationships.
Be aware to what message is hidden behind the anger. It is important of course to defend ourselves in a difficult situation. But let’s examine the situation before blowing up. Maybe it is not worth it. Let us avoid hasty conclusions and try not to be too strict with ourselves or the others in order to come into an agreement that satisfies both ends.
